You ever feel like being in a ‘deja vu’?
Where every feeling you’re experiencing is SO familiar? To where you want to fast forward through it?
I’m there now. I was in this same place almost five years ago, after I had cut my hair for the third time, determined to make this the last time I did so. At that point, I had known I wanted long natural hair for years, but frustration and ignorance had made me start over twice. This third time, I promised myself, was going to be different and I was going to WIN. So I did things differently – I looked to others for trending techniques, I researched topics they referred to, and most importantly, I paid attention to how my hair reacted to them in a trial-and-error sort of way.
And in doing so, I got the hair I wanted! Not only did I overcome my ignorance, I gained a newfound awareness of self. Mirroring my hair’s (I call her Deva lol) ‘this-is-what-I-like attitude, I had a new bounce in my step like nobody’s business! She was long, thick, and looked absolutely beautiful.
Then the rain came. Not literally, ‘cos Deva doesn’t mind rain. I mean a rainy season of LIFE. I had gotten hurt at work, and a season of LOSS just poured right on in. I lost (what I thought was) everything, and frantically grabbed at every straw that looked like a bridge to somewhere other than where I was.
Then I cut Deva.
Off. And put LYE on her. The style was definitely cute, but not in my signature DEVA way. My DEVAtude was gone. Not simply because I cut my hair, but because I thought if I changed my hair, my spirits would change too. I kept thinking, “I am not my hair”, but I need her just as much as she needs me. I learned her language: what she likes, what she doesn’t like, and her “I said what I said” attitude kinda spilled over into my own psyche. And I dare say I LOVED it! She brings out the best of my personality, and
So the closer my relaxed hair got to the “awkward” length, the more I wished I didn’t have to continue salon appointments. I wished I could just do it myself. And then one day I took my daughter (who’s embracing her own natural hair) to a Black Girls Code event, and almost every other mother (and volunteer!) was adorned in her crowning glory! I can’t tell y’all how convicted I was. I missed how well my natural hair fit my personality and the way I wanted to view myself…
To the point I gotta REPENT y’all! I miss DEVA and I’m truly sorry for cutting my hair off!
So here goes the journey again, and this time will be better than the last, since it WILL be the last!
I claim VICTORY over Deja vu!
Thanks for joining me for this last hurrah, have you gone through something like this? I know I can’t be the only one!