How to Stop Fighting With Your Hair!

Here’s the scenario…

You want to join the growing community of proud naturalistas who are embracing their natural crowns, you want to take control of the standing, biweekly appointment hours that’s currently blocked off for the ‘beauty shop’, you want to free up money in your budget to spend on other necessities and still be a Deva…

But your hair WON’T ACT RIGHT!!!

Congratulations for finding this blog, because since you are here I know you’re looking for answers. I sat where you are now, trying to figure out why my hair journey was ‘so hard’ …the steps weren’t laid out for me, but I’m going to lay them out for you to save you the trouble!

This is a process that doesn’t happen overnight, but this post will surely make sure you’re in the proper mindset to continue your journey. If you are tired of struggling with your hair, look no further!



  1. Look at it – I know, it sounds a bit elementary since you do see it everyday in the mirror lol…but in this context, really LOOK at and inspect your hair. How does your hair look to you? If you’d prefer to wear your hair out, discover the real reason why you don’t by assessing your hair’s physical state. Is it because your hair is frizzy and all over the place? Or is it because your hair is thin and lifeless? Either way, (and whatever else you see is bothering you) these visual assessments are what will put you on the path to freedom.
  2. Touch it – Here’s another one that seems obvious, but again, really touch your hair. Roll some strands between your fingers with your eyes closed to really get a feel for it. Does it feel greasy, hard and scratchy, or round and smooth? (Mine used to be in the former category)
  3. Inspect your current products and regimen – Now here’s where the real work begins. It’s more difficult in the beginning because you’re basically learning a whole new language, but it gets easier once you start applying this knowledge in the next steps. To make this transition easier, I have listed common ingredients and practices here and below that will surely get you started!
  4. Swap it out to test for a difference in your hair – This part is more fun, because here is where you get to be hands on! The first two steps is where your hair ‘told’ you what’s wrong, now here’s where you get to fix it! This non verbal communication with your hair is where the physical transformation will take place, as you try different products and processes to listen and watch for your hair’s reaction! Miss Deva inherited her name during this step, because she’s stubborn and wants what she wants like me! Lol
  5. Repeat step 4 if necessary – This may be obvious too, but it’s needed because I hear so many stories of those who are either planning to give up or have already given up natural hair if they try/tried a few products and none of them give them what they’re looking for. The common reason is because 1) they didn’t happen across this blog first (shameless plug lol) and 2) they were looking for a product to change their hair instead of listening to and watching for what their hair needs. My goal is not to be a Natural Nazi, but I’m here to let you know that being natural doesn’t have to be ‘so hard’ and you don’t have to ‘give up’ if you’re truly interested in wearing your crown! These are what I found makes Miss Deva happy, read on for help with Step 3..


Ingredients to look for and why:

*Note: the following should not be close to the beginning of the ingredient list. Ideally look for products that have water as the first one, along with as many ingredients as you can realistically pronounce.
  • Petrolatum/Mineral oil based products – These work for some naturalistas, but I’m including them here because for the most part they’re used incorrectly. A grease and water regimen only works if you’re consistent and generous with the ‘water’ part if your main hair concern is dryness. This is true because these types of products are major sealants; they seal everything out, and nothing can come in. So if you don’t moisturize your hair WITH WATER you’re sealing dryness in!
  • Parabens (ending in -paraben) – Excess estrogen exposure contributes to cancer, so Parabens are linked to cancer because they mimic estrogen in the body.
  • Silicones (ending in -one) – Not all silicones are bad because they fight moisture loss and help hair stay straighter in humid environments, but some are very hard to remove and contribute to buildup over time. The silicones to avoid are the ones with -amo, -amino, or -amine in their name. Dimethicone copolyol is water based and easy to remove, while dimethicone is not and hard to remove. If your products have silicones in them, just pay attention to how they make your hair feel and act accordingly.
  • Sulfates/Alcohols (ending in -ate, -ol) – Extremely drying, they’re mostly used as cleansing agents and should be used sparingly (if at all). Read why directly below!


Regimen-busting practices:

  • Too-frequent shampoos – Contributes to dryness (especially if your shampoo has sulfates in it), either co-wash between clarifying shampoos or use a moisturizing shampoo for light cleansing and restrict clarifying shampoos for when your hair really needs it.
  • Infrequent trims – I know, length. Is. The. Goal. The truth is, split ends will eat up any length you do get. They will make your hair look as if it isn’t growing when in fact it is. Regular trims are very necessary, and the longer you’re natural, you will be able to know when and how to do them yourself between official shape cuts by a professional.
  • Thinking a product will make your hair curly – Today’s society conditions us to expect drastic changes by only addressing symptoms instead of underlying issues. If you want that ‘curly hair’ look like I did, you’re not going to get it from a product. You have to address the ‘why’ behind your hair’s unmanageability to reveal its natural curl pattern.

If you’re tired of the daily struggle, I pray this read gives you tons of value you can immediately use to give your journey a brand new start! The rules we followed before will no longer help us now, so it’s important to avoid wandering in the wilderness because that will certainly lead to frustration and quitting! If you really don’t want to quit, try this first!


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